I was on the subway once and a man got on with a tiny boon box. He was an old black man, maybe in his 70's, and he was wearing a blue velvet suit.He hit play on the boom box, set it on the floor, and waited for the music to come on. The boom box played the music to "What a Wonderful World" and he sang the words, entrancingly.There was something extremely sad about this man, even though I'm quite sure he smiled the entire time. He just had this look about him, like he had a million stories to tell, if you just bothered asking. I wanted to know who he was and why he chose that song, god, that song. I felt good, connected to him somehow. It was one of those random perfect moments. And then my mind drifted, and all I could think was how perfect it would be if that man took out a gun and just started shooting at random. Never missing a note, panicky screams competing with the music blasting from the boom box. I was almost sad that it didn’t happen because it played out so beautifully in my mind. I snapped out of it and he stopped singing and asked for money. I don’t even remember if I gave him any. I do remember realizing how often that happens. These tragic, violent fantasies. I know I'm not alone in this, a few people have told me similar stories, but it's still kind of odd. I've recently realized how "worst case scenario" my mindset seems to be, i guess this just enforces that realization.

First entry in a million years and its a nutso one. Yays!

Anyway, for those of you who don't already know, I am still living with Sandy but now Seth lives here too. We have two cats, Charlie and Lapka. I get to sew ridiculous things all day for a living. I've lost a friend or two and made new(awesome)ones. I eat and drink too much. All in all, stuff is good.

oh right, no one's here anymore.

birthday suits.



i'm not quite sure how i feel about it yet.i'm not sure i feel about it at all.

i can say that i am happy with just about everything in my life right now.

that's a pretty good thing, right?

i want boooooze.

(no subject)

sometimes you wake up so happy that you can barely stop yourself from looking like a smiling idiot while you walk down the street. some days everything comes together perfectly and you feel like you couldn't be luckier.

then there are days, like today, when you wake up and you feel all sorts of sick. your throat is swollen your head hurts. you've got the shakes and your face decides to break out in hives on your way to work. you feel anxious about something but you can't really place your finger on it.

i guess it seems fair, that i am having that kind of day today, since this new year has been filled with nothing but those other kinda days i mentioned first.

cats and cake.

shandy: now you know all my secrets
me: we should just break up
me: no more mystery in our relationship
shandy: are you dumping me?
me: its not you, its me.
me: only its really you
shandy: i can change
me: : how so?
shandy: well, clothes
me: thats a start
shandy: and that thing i can do where i can transmorph into any other mammal is pretty cool too
shandy: but you never seemed to care
me: no, i really like that
me: i like it when youre a baboon
me: red asses turn me on
shandy: you're sick, you know that?
shandy: SICK
me: whatever do you mean?
me: you like it
shandy: ee-ee-ee-oo-oo-oo
me: hahaha
me: i love you
shandy: sure you do, buttbag
me: whats a buttbag?
shandy: you know, bag o' butts
me: that makes sense


my cousin, who happens to be a stripper, got me a remote controlled vibrating egg for christmas. she had me open in front of my entire family.

"you can even use it with a boy" she said.

if my family didn't rule, that would have been awfully embarrassing.

(no subject)

i dreamt that everyone i know turned into a mug.

thats right, a fucking mug.

i had all these mugs i was looking at and they were all obviously different people in my life.

i looked at a dark green mug and thought "thats definitely my dad."

what the fuck is the matter with me?
  • Current Music
    the crane wife vs. my coworkers lite fm