i am gonna make it through this year if it kills me.

sometimes you find something out that you think will devastate you but instead it makes you laugh uncontrollably. genuinely laugh because you called it. you knew it would happen. it validates the feelings in your gut that you were made to believe were crazy.

you see patterns and you know how its gonna end up and you laugh. you almost want to skip with releif.

it makes you excited to start over and not have to be a part of it. it makes you happy to realize that you dont care as much as you thought you did.

it makes you realize that there is no room in your life for liars.for people who lie to save their own asses. for people who are careless with the ones who love them because its easier.

i will come out on top. this i know for sure.

dear (2)readers,

so i signed up for netflix and naturally i cant think of a damn thing i need to see.

all ive got so far is some marx brothers movies since i plan on being groucho for holloween and i figured i needed some research.

so hlep me.


(no subject)

i need:

-a mini vacation

-someone to take good pictures of me

-to get to bed earlier

-to dance more

-to kill tyra banks

-to ride my bicycle till my legs fall off

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i like it when i love a book so much that i cant wait to get on the subway or come home so i can sit down and read it. everything in between seems like a chore.

yesterday i took a plastic goose planter from someones backyard. im not big on taking peoples crap but i really doubt this person will miss it. there were about 100 plastic bird planters in the yard. the only people who will appreciate this story are sally and sandy. come to think of it, they are the only people who ever know what the hell i am talking about anymore.

tonight promises to be giant amounts of fun. the astoria beer garden never lets me down.

we fell in love accross the street.

i need pieces of my brain removed.
  • Current Music
    lets dance - m.ward


i am crippled.

my back is broken.it's been this way for about a week now. if i weren't the type of person who tries to ignore things of this nature in the hopes that it will go away, i'd be worried.

sleep sounds good.
  • Current Music
    new pornographers

all your sanity and wits they will all vanish. i promise.

he says hed be with me if he had a choice.that he is not choosing anyone over me. its a bittersweet feeling to know that.


gogol bordello is officially the best show i have ever attended.

who would have thought that pure happiness could be found squished between a countless number of sweaty strangers?the last time i had that much fun while drenched in an absurd amount of sweat was many moons ago, im an air conditionless room with a boy who must not be named. but i digress. last night was exactly what i needed. jumping around,shoving everyone around me, trying hard not to fall over. my heart will always belong to my sad bastard music, but fuck, there is something to be said about a show like last nights. i learned that i can sure as hell stand my own in a mosh pit and that makes me happy.i also learned that being at work all day + eating nothing but a sammich and a few pierogies + 4 beers really fast = happydrunktime. i am grateful for people in my life who are not only amazing but are as excited as i am about having eugene hutz crowd surf over our heads( i held his knee up )

we saw elijah wood at the bar after the show. he was making out with the hot girl with the drum in the band.my observation " he has the tiniest butt i have ever seen." he signed sallys copy of everything is illuminated. eugene signed it "victor hugo" while downing a giant bottle or wine.

on a sidenote, sort of, i would like to add that i love this city. i had one of those moments when im completely happy about the fact that i am back here. i wasnt doing anything particularly exciting when this thought occurred to me. just walking from my work (52nd and 6th) to sandys work (33rd and lexington) with a friend. being able to walk around having retarded conversations is something that i tend to take for granted. walking > driving. not that ive done much of the latter but my opinions are fact.

thats all. a sort of sappy entry but an improvement from the sad bullshit ive been writing lately.

bye bye now, time for the outside.

(no subject)


a brand new one. i bought pointy shoes for my interview and it worked!

i will be working for the people that bring us rolling stone magazine. maybe i can convince them to stop sucking and most importantly that naked jessica alba has nothing to do with music.

im just happy that i wont be broke anymore. and insurance, i get insurance. and sick days and personal days and all that other fancy stuff that comes with grown up jobs.

did i mention that part of my interview included a math test? for an administrative assistant position. i dont get it either.

okay, im gonna go celebrate now.